The Road of Transitioning

The Final Post

2012-01-14T07:46:00.000-08:00

Soooooooooo, at the beginning of this process, I had told everyone that asked, that I would consider my transition complete once it was changed on my birth certificate. Well, I sent them paperwork three times, and after the surgeons office yelled at them, and after a small paperwork snafu on their part (and the person I talked to owned up to it right away and was very apologetic and extremely helpful), I received my corrected birth certificate in the mail yesterday. It was a HUGE relief that all my paperwork (once I change it with social security) will be all accurate to who I am inside and out.
The strangest part is that, well, the only emotion I have is relief. I think I had gone through all the other emotion possible at one point or another on this journey. Relief was the only one left. It's a good feeling. So, in sticking with the title of this blog (The Road of Transitioning), this is where I take the exit as I have reached my destination. As long as Social Security goes smoothly, there will be nothing left to report on or experience as my transition is over.
I will be opening a new blog about my experiences of being with in the gay leather community and all the (hopefully) fun times with that. If you choose to join me on that adventure, I'll see you then, otherwise, thanks for traveling with me and I hope you enjoyed the ride!

Final Changes

2011-11-21T10:19:00.000-08:00

Soooooooo, I got the "official" letter from the surgeon about my surgery being completed and such, way back in September/October. It was the letter to get my birth certificate changed and my driver's license and everything else. So, I mailed it off to my home state to get that changed. Well, evidently states are SOOOOOOOOO incredibly technical with exactly how the letters are written. So, I had to get a second letter done. That one got mailed a week ago to my home state. But, I have changed my driver's license and my car insurance (and the car insurance wants another $20, cause I'm now a girl?? wtf?). I'm changing my college transcript later today (cause I haven't done the name change there either). Pretty soon, I'll be completely finished. It's funny, cause I figured I'd be happy and excited at this point and ready to go out and celebrate. But, you know what? I'm not. Yeah, I'm happy. I'm also relieved and tremendously tired. I'm just ready for this to be over and get back to the important things in life, like fixing up the house and not having to work two jobs (though, it seems, I'll be doing the two jobs until I'm dead).
But it's a much more relaxed and relieved feeling than anything. It's nice cause I still have my baby to snuggle with and things are going great. I'm just ready for the rest of my life to really get going!

Billing

2011-09-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, so technically, I did not actually get a bill. HOWEVER, I did get the Explaination of Benefits and found out how much my surgery COULD cost someone that does not have any insurance. So, everything from the hospital; room and board, anesthesia, drugs, and everything: $84,435.62. And that is without the plane ride, the hotel, the taxi, the food when I was at the hotel, this is JUST the hospital. Which makes me wonder how the douchebags in Washington DC are saying that getting healthcare for everyone is a bad thing, yet they have the best health insurance in this country. If you're complaining about insurance or having to have it, then suck my left nut. It's in a jar at a hospital somewhere in California, just so you can suck on it.
Alright, I'm going to try staying away from politics for the rest of this, cause another thing that occured was an issue with doing my recovery stuff at work. I have to say, I have the BEST doctor IN THE WORLD!!!!!! The first application was turned down. The thing is, is that if I do not do this procedure enough, then my surgery could actually collapse and that would be really really really bad. So, we attempted again and my doctor was just AWESOME with it. I had what I needed as soon as I went back to work. LOVE THAT MAN!!!!!!!

I do have to say that I really enjoy cooking with my girlfriend. We work really well together and we get A-MAZING food. What more could a girl ask for? LOVE YOU POUNCIE McPOUNCEPOUNCE!!!!!!

One month later

2011-09-10T07:16:00.000-07:00

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. . .it's been a month since my surgery (well, to the day, due to the time difference, and having very little memory of waking up, I'm not going to count it to the hour). I'm healing pretty well. It's still a little soar and I'm still having to deal with taking it easy, I have been able to do more and function pretty close to a healthy human. I go back to work in two days and it's kinda weird.
There's one side of me that is thinking about the concept of getting back to normal. I mean, I still have two jobs and will still be getting up EVERY morning to go to work. The jobs haven't changed, my duties haven't changed, my bosses haven't changed, my co-workers are the same. So it's pretty much getting back to life.
Then there's the other side. I feel like a whole new person. Granted just a small bit of my anatomy has changed and I can wear tight dresses and skirts. . .okay, tight skirts, my belly, while no longer a half keg, is still not close to a six pack. . .or even a two pack. But I'll start working on that soon. Anyway, things are different. I have accomplished something that truly started in kindergarten (yeah twenty eight years ago). Except for the legal stuff, I'm all done.
The thing is, for many of the older (I mean really older) girls who transition, once they transition, they kinda kick back and enjoy the rest of their lives. That's fine for them, they've earned it and they are more than entitled to it. But that's not who I am. Yeah, I worked long and hard to transition, but now it's about equality. Let's face it, this country has a GIGANTIC problem with equality. Every time I turn around, there are stories in the paper about it, and you can see it coming through in what you hear on the radio or see on TV. Yes, men and women are different, hetero people and homo people are different, and yes there are tons of "boxes" that the "powers that be" try to label us in. Yes, being different is a good thing, but what occurs here based on that is. . .well, the dumbest f-ing thing on this planet. Yeah, I said it. And you know it's true. Women couldn't vote until the last century. People of color, especially in the south, were discriminated against to vote, and those of us that are marginalized for whatever reason need to understand that most of this country is not happy with how this is all being done. But no one has figured out how to change it or what to change it to. I'm not saying that I have an answer. However, the bullying, whether it be on the play ground, in the class room, at a job site, in Congress, at the United Nations, or wherever needs to end. We can be equal without being the same. Equality is not about being the same little goober as the person next to us (I can't believe I used the word goober in my journal/blog).
So, anyway, my intentions are to be subtle about showing equality, but that's my goal. I'm looking to (once I'm used to being back in the swing of things), start volunteering and helping with charity things and show people that one small little woman has no problems helping out the world where it's needed. We'll see how well that works.

On a different note. Those that read the last entry might remember about me doing more show and tell for the medical community. I talked about it with my counselor a couple of weeks ago. And she gave me the contact person at the Medical College's contact info. Well, I've thought about it and I have to say, that I am not as comfortable with the concept as I had thought that I would be. My doctors I have no problems showing. Strangers (be they medical people or not), I'm not really that comfortable with. As much as the medical field needs to learn how to treat us, I am not comfortable being the woman that does it. I'll answer questions and share information, but I'm not willing to show my who-who to complete strangers.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Show and Tell

2011-08-24T11:06:00.001-07:00

So, it's been two weeks since my surgery. Two really cool things happened today:

First, I got an email from Vital Statistics in my birth state so that I know what I need to get my birth certificate fixed for myself!!! YAY!!!!!!!

Second, I went and saw my regular doctor, just to make sure that everything was going okay and when I could go to work and all that other fun stuff. He says that I'm doing okay and gave me time off until after Labor Day (as long as everything goes smooth). And then, we invited all the nurses, nursing students, medical assistants and medical assistant students who wanted to, to come view my va-jay-jay. They got a chance to see the surgery and ask any questions. It went pretty well, they seemed really into it and asked a few really good questions. I actually think that it is something that I will be willing to do education with for a while. I enjoyed the teaching part of it. However, I did learn that I will need to do a slight bit of preparation on what I want to say and all the info that I should give them before we do the show and tell part. But it was fun and I did enjoy it.
Course, now that I look back on it, I really wish that I could say it felt weird to have been almost a prop for show and tell, but I really weirded out by it and I was involved in the show and tell, so I'm fine with it. :-)

HOME

2011-08-18T15:44:00.000-07:00

So, I have to say, that I am almost done with this journal/blog. I am back home safe and sound (thanks in a large part to Berry Bear! *giggle*) I have what I need to feel accurate and now I am just waiting on the court papers from Bowers office and then I can submit my paperwork to change my birth certificate and everything and be completely done with the transition. If you have been reading this whole journal, though, you will have realized that I probably have some interesting stories of that road as well.
Course, I'm hoping that all the legal stuff goes smoothly, so I won't have anything to actually write about. But, we'll see.

A Week Later

2011-08-16T17:55:00.000-07:00

So, I spent time in the recovery ward. It was not the best in the world. Well, actually, that's because of the catheter, Let me TELL YOU, THOSE THINGS SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But, the nurses were awesome and they taught me how to roll as well as the fact that their mac and cheese ends up causing everyone to order out!
However, I did get to walk all over the place, including seeing the waterfall and attempting to make an escape!! (okay, not really, but we did go down by the entrance. One of the area's EMT's was complaining about taking it up the butt, as he was using the water fountain. He popped his head up and I asked him, "Did you at least get dinner? Cause if you're taking it up the butt, they should at least buy you dinner first." He started laughing at that, and I was glad to brighten his day!!
The surgeon finally came and take a look at us and we were allowed to go home. But, let me tell you, hotel with a catheter, or hospital with a catheter, they both SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! We basicaly just stayed around the hotel, took a little bit of time to walk and relax and had breakfasts. Course, sitting was not really pleasant in the slightest.

FINALLY, it was Tuesday and I went to the surgeon's office. The girl there took the packing out and showed me how to use the dilators which are necessary to make sure that I don't end up collapsing, cause I really do have what I'm supposed to downstairs!!!!!!!! *giggle* (not that I'm excited *giggle*) The nice part was getting the catheter out. OH. MY. GODDESS, I really don't want to ever have one in my body ever again.
However, my friend that also went through the surgery, well, she didn't do too well. She stayed around waiting for the surgeon to take a look at her. We went to dinner (a really nice place called Mimi's Cafe). Beloved had beer battered fish. The beer of choice that they use for ALL their beer battered fish? Sam Adams. YUP! A Boston based micro-brew is the choice of beer in California!!!!!
We headed home after trying to get stuff at Target, but my body is still getting used to full mobility, so we popped in the taxi and headed home.
My friend at the surgeons (who we had heard the receptionist say that the surgeon was going to be there right after surgery) never got to see the surgeon cause she never showed up. They eventually came home and she was feeling better, but she had been bleeding and feeling sharp pains. Beloved actually went and took a look at her (at request of her mom), and got her feeling better. I really do pray that she is going to do fine. She's really super cool and a HUGE sweetheart. Both Beloved and I think that it is pretty suckey that the surgeon wouldn't show up and take a look at her. As well as it was a girl that was definitely not a nurse that undid the dressing/packing and showing us how to use the dilators. She was only a Medical Assistant who was working on the surgeon's patients WITHOUT the surgeon being there.
It gets pretty scary to find out that the aftercare has been pretty crappy. I mean, I'm pretty happy with the results on me, but, I really feel like after surgery, the surgeon has basically fled for the next set of girls coming in for surgery. We had originally thought that there was only one set of surgeries per month, however, Beloved found out that she averages 10 a month. As well as presentations and speeches and her kid who started high school.
But, like I said, Beloved checked on her and we ended up talking for a decent time and had a really good evening. Beloved and I are relaxing on the couch and actually watching TV (which is kinda different for us). I can say that as interesting as it is, I really don't want a life where I set it up around what is on a television.
The only bad thing, though, is that I finally have a VaJay-Jay AND I'm basically getting my first period at the same time!!!! Okay, that's not completely true! *GIGGLE* I am still bleeding slightly from the surgery, so Beloved and I joke that I am getting my first period since the care for the bleeding is to wear a pad. Other than that I really can't complain (since the catheter is out!!!!! *GIGGLE*)

Post Surgery

2011-08-10T21:32:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official. I have the correct genital stuff now!!!!!!!! The day wasn't too bad at all. I met a bunch of nurses and had a really great experience. They let me keep Berry Bear with me the whole time. The nurses have all been incredibly awesome and I even have been my typical cheerful self and getting them laughing and hugging and everything. I am soooooo incredibly happy and chipper and really glad that this went so well. The only bad thing was that evidently, I did bleed a decent bit, but everyone was on top of what was going on, so it (evidently) wasn't too bad.
Beloved called everyone almost everyone we needed to, though, with the time difference, there are a few people we need to call tomorrow.

I'm going to keep this short cause it's pretty late and I really should be asleep already. All the other girls are doing well and I'm actually sharing a room with one of them, and the other two girls are in the room next door,

Pre-surgery Appointment

2011-08-08T19:33:00.000-07:00

So, we went to see Bowers. Let me tell you, the woman knows her stuff (and was impressed that my Beloved knew her stuff just as well. She is a pretty funny and personable doctor and was VERY impressed with all my stuff. She was impressed with my "structure." Basically, the way I'm built is pretty perfect and easier for her to deal with.
But another cool part was who we met BEFORE the appointment. It seems that there are four of us having the surgery in the next two days. We met two of the girls in the waiting room. One of them has a wife that came with her. The others had their appointment and then we ended up all meeting at the pharmacy. Since we had the timing in sync pretty well, we all went to get our lab work done together. We actually had some really good conversations. One of the girls has been transitioning for 18 years. YES, eighteen years. She actually flew in from Sweden and is really a sweetheart. Beloved and I are actually going to accompany her to the hospital in the morning. Beloved is going to actually stay until she comes out of surgery (or maybe later), I'm going to go back to the hotel and starting the really fun bowel prep. (yeah, that was said with tons of sarcasm)
The other girl has her wife with her. They're from Boston and she is a truck driver. She's had a few surgeries and is finally having the final one. Plus her wife and my Beloved get to hang out (and have each other to talk to and consult with and whatever else) while the three of us enjoy time in recovery.
So, we got back to the hotel and looked at all the pills that we had and all the other stuff and realized that my bowel prep was still at the pharmacy. So we left again and went back to the pharmacy. After we were done, we realized that we were unsure about one of the scripts. Since it was across the street, we walked to Bowers office and were able to get an answer from the girl at the desk. She then suggested a sushi place and even made sure they had other foods that I would eat. She even called and made sure they were open. Since they were, and they were in the plaza across the street, we went. I got beef teriyaki, Beloved got some sushi. When it all came out, the sushi was HUGE. Beloved's eyes dropped to her stomach and she realized it was too much for her. I really enjoyed the beef AND, I even tried the sushi. I have tried sushi two times before it, it was ewwwwwwww. UNTIL TODAY!!!!!! (well, several days ago, when y'all read this! *giggle*) I actually really enjoyed it. We even told the guy that was our server (whom we both think was the owner). He seemed really delighted that I was enjoying it!! Beloved even told him that it was the best Miso soup she has ever had (and she's had quite a bit).
After that, we called it a day and went back and played three matches of Rummy 500. Beloved won two of the three, it was just nice to play cards again. Okay, I'm about to settle into her arms for the night. Tomorrow is the long day of the Throne. UGH.

About to see THE Surgeon

2011-08-08T06:34:00.001-07:00

So, I am sitting in the hotel/studio and it is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too early to be up. However, I have just slept for ten hours, so my body is kinda done. I'm a little nervous, but I am actually easily identifying it as just the general "I'm about to have surgery" nervous. Anyway, let me catch you all up on the trip in general:

I tried to flip my sleep schedule on Thursday because we were to be at the airport at 4AM on Saturday. So I got home early from work (after picking up my girlfriend's Christmas present and making a deposit so my checking account was in positive numbers before leaving). I finished a couple of things and then went to bed. I was up a little after four hours of sleep (I think). That makes it early evening (like 6 or 7 or 8 pm). I enjoyed dinner with my girlfriend and then she went to bed. I spent the night playing computer games and doing lots of frivilous stuff just to stay awake. She was up at about 5:30 am (which is typical on work days), and I went to bed shortly after. Unfortunately, I was up about four hours later and other than a small two hour nap, we were up until we got on the plane. The nice part is that we were able to clean together and played Legos Indiana Jones 2 together!! (we're doing pretty good, we're about half way done with the whole game!).
Anyway, her Mom picked us up and took us to the airport after my kitty (who is almost a year and a half old and had been cooped up in the house to prevent this is the first place), got out and wouldn't come back in the house. (and yes, my Beloved's sister, who is taking care of the house while we're away, got her to come back inside, later on Saturday). So we easily got on the plane (after my girlfriend was felt up. . .don't wear long flowy skirts to the airport).
We actually stopped in Chicago and TORE through the underground passage, but our flight had been delayed so we had plenty of time. We actually ended up in the waiting area with two mothers and kids that had left Albany airport with us, so we had a nice chat together. We also found out that the toilets in Chicago's O'Hare airport bathrooms have the plastic on them that is actually connected and you move your hand over the sensor and the plastic rings MOVE. It's kinda freaky weird and just makes me wonder if the plastic is actually collected or it's just one huge ring that keeps getting reused.
ANYWAY, we got into San Francisco airport and after a little figuring out, we got to the van. We only had a short ride down the highway, and we both agreed, California (scenery wise) is very similar to back east. There was a good sized mountain on one side and really just reminded us with our view of Troy (especially when you see is as you are riding down Route 7). The highway ride, itself, really just felt like I was traveling down the Jersey Turnpike just with a couple of Palm Trees thrown in.
HOWEVER, there were a few differences:A)The weather is soooooooooooooooooo nice. It's 105 degrees in Arizona right now. We're sitting in at 70, instead. I'm actually very glad that I brought my hoodie with me. The breeze is really nice!! It actually gets kinda sorta toasty in the sun, but it's nice and cool in the shade. and B)Everyone seems so friendly. The airport. . . okay, the airport was an airport and I wasn't impressed with them in there, but every where else, people have been really nice. and EXTREMELY HELPFUL.
After we checked into the hotel and unpacked in our suite (which is kinda big and has a kitchen and everything), we wrote up our shopping lists. One we turned in to the front desk (cause we weren't going to try to walk with milk and chicken and stuff like that), we walked over to Target. We realized we were hungry, so we went to a BBQ place that was part of the Target plaza. It was nice and they even sold the cookie cakes that I LOVE back home, but they were tiny!! I showed Amy how small the "Texas sized Cookie Cake" It's tiny. I got a laugh out of that, and the kid at the register thought it was cool that we were from NY. People out here aren't all that aware that NYC and upstate NY are NOT the same. OR that New Yorkers are actually pretty friendly ESPECIALLY when we are traveling. The weird part was that when you were done, you just left your dishes at the table and you get up and walk out. That's it!!
Then we walked back to Target and we did a little bit of grocery shopping and got GOOD snack foods. Okay, not really bad snack foods. We have microwave popcorn and single serve cereal and stuff like that. My Beloved got her coffee and we got stuff to make pasta. Yeah, the hotel actually has pots and pans in the kitchen and cooking utensils! IT IS AWESOME!! ANYWAY, we got back and realized that we didn't get a pack of playing cards, so we actually WATCHED TV. Yes, that may sound strange, but we don't have TV at home (at least no channels), so it was kinda nice to watch TV. So we relaxed and enjoyed not having to do stuff!! It was very nice.
I'm not really worried about the surgery yet (nor the appointment). I'm going to hop in the shower and then we are going to go up to breakfast (yeah, free breakfast at this place. And it is GOOD!!!!!!!!! course, I work 7 days a week, so I always do breakfast out of the microwave). Anyway, Time to get ready. . .

End of June in Review

2011-06-29T17:47:00.000-07:00

So, the last couple of weeks haven't been too exciting (*giggle*) First a really cool story. I was riding in the elevator the other day at work. It was just me and a random lady that works at the DMV with me. As we were riding, she turned to me and said "You look really good." "Thank you," I replied. I mean it felt a little strange cause I was not wearing any make-up at all (which is a really good sign of how good the laser treatment is going). She then continued, "I think it's great that you are getting to do what you need to do to be happy." I just smiled and said, "Thank you." It left me with a really warm feeling in my heart, which was nice, since I was asked if I was pregnant the last time a strange woman talked to me in an elevator. So, things are definitely getting better!!

Speaking of better, I'm doing a computer course through the union/state partnership so that I can take a civil service test later on. The nice thing is, though, that I can also take the course at home, so if I don't finish it by the time my surgery comes, then I can use the recovery time to still take the course!!

Okay, I already mentioned the cool news about my super cool Mom (read the previous edition if you are wondering what in the world I'm talking about).

The electrolysis is going really well. I'm letting the medical expert apply the numbing agent, so it's being covered better and she even came with me and held my hand for the procedure last night. I was surprised that she still had feeling in her hand, but she actually apologized to me, because she, evidently, never realized how traumatic having your who-who electrocized can be (does that make sense? Um, if it didn't, well, consider yourself lucky {or email me if you REALLY REALLY want to know}). Anyway, I only have a few more sessions with it, so I will hopefully survive.

Okay, and there's the big BIG news. . .WE FINALLY HAVE MARRIAGE EQUALITY IN THE STATE OF NY!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, this is a big deal thing for us, since I am in a lesbian (well, technically, soon-to-be lesbian) relationship. The only bad news is that we now have friends asking when WE'RE getting married. I mean, it's great that everyone cares and is supportive of us, but, honestly, we'll do it once we're ready. This is a very changing time for the two of us, so it's still a ways off.

The bad part of that is that a particular friend and I have had to part ways. She state her opinion on her state (Ohio) versus the one I live in (NY, obviously). As the FB discussion continued, marriage equality was brought up, and she said "we have different views (or ideas, or something to that extent) on equality." I was not happy, and I realized that, since it's been 15 years since I had actually seen her, we have grown to be different people. If she' s not going to be supportive of something that was incredibly important to me, then it was no longer time to keep her included in my list of friends on FB.

So, PapaBear came over with his god sons. It was interesting, cause he doesn't do a great time of estimating arrival times, and kinda showed up at the house twenty minutes before I got home. Yeah, my Beloved didn't even allow him in the house (*giggle*). But we did go out for dinner, so that he could get some coffee and we talked for a little while. It was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nice to see him, especially since our original plans to go to visit him and MammaBear this weekend are not going to occur. But I am hoping to see them before the end of summer!

Anyway, I'm finishing up a couple of surgery requirements very shortly, so that, hopefully, things can move right along. We'll see.

Really awesome supportive news

2011-06-19T16:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, so, since I am just finishing up paperwork for the surgery as well as the necessary electrolysis, I have time to devote towards other important parts of life. One of them is that when/if I propose to my girlfriend, I would like for us to have the choice to get married in our state of New York. The cool part is that the Marriage Equality side is pretty sure it will pass in the senate (it already passed in the Assembly). So I have had a nice time calling twice a day for the last half week (and will start again on monday) calling Dean Skelos. He's the leader of the Senate who gets to decide what is ACTUALLY getting voted on each day. He's, unfortunately, not wanting to listen to the will of the people of New York (or he just enjoyed discriminating against they glbt community, cause, evidently, that's what Conservative-Religious-Republicans like to do these days), and not letting it get voted on. So I keep asking his secretary why it isn't and that he should allow the vote in the Senate.

Since that hasn't happened yet, I left a message on his machine on sunday, and I will go back to calling his office on Monday (if you would like the phone number, it is posted fifty billion times on my FaceBook page)

In other really awesome supportive news, my Mom has requested the paperwork of my surgery (aka the court order or what-have-you) so that she can get my birth certificate changed. Yeah, my mom ASKED for the paperwork for it. She's going to make sure that they will do it without me being there, but my Mom actually ASKED ME for the paperwork so she could do it!! She' really really cool!!

Hopefully, I will put up soon about the Marriage Equality vote occurring AND going to the signing of the bill as well.

Random thoughts

2011-06-06T17:15:00.000-07:00

So, I am slightly nervous over a conversation that I am about to have a with a friend. I'm going to be explaining to her about the leather community. I'm not nervous about how she will take it, cause she knows that it has to do with BDSM But it is my practice run on explaining it to Vanilla people and those that will not necessarily be okay with the Dominance and submission that is part of the leather community. Now most people would suggest that I take the easy route and just work the gay centric charities. And for them, that is the answer. But what I am hoping/wanting/needing to do is to show the straight/hetero people that the gay and trans communities aren't really different and that we are all just people. So, I am going to be looking to do charity work that is not gay centric. This means getting used to explaining what the leather community is and why I am helping with their particular charity. My first dry run with that will be Thursday. Followed by the questions that I would not answer at work. *giggle*

In other ideas, the fantasy has come together and the only elements missing are the actual fight choreography as well as learning it with those involved in it. And the music that will be playing. Since I haven't really found a song that works well for this part of the Leather Girl competition, I have decided that (since I have two years until I'm competing), I'm going to write my own music for it! *giggle* This will be really fun!!!!!!

There also was a big family bru-ha-ha that I will not be chronicling here. But to put it short, they were fighting over me and I didn't even know about it. . .and the irony is, is that I really don't have extra time to take off anyway, so it doesn't really matter.

Is it a lie if it wasn't done on purpose

2011-05-27T18:20:00.000-07:00

So, evidently, the waiting is NOT the hardest part!!! *giggle* Well, it sorta is. You see, I did get the approval earlier this week from the insurance company and they will be covering the surgery. My incredibly AWESOME girlfriend has agreed to cover the deposit (which I will pay her back when I get reimbursed via my insurance company). So, I called the next day to actually SCHEDULE the surgery. . .yeah, there's a year to two year wait for the surgery. . .BUT someone happened to have cancelled so there is an opening before the FALL!!!!! YEAH, a two year wait was shrunken down to just months!!!!!
I've been thinking about why that occured for me. I think it's a couple of things. I think a big thing is because my insurance will be covering it. But, I also think the fact that I was on top of my transition helped. Whenever something went to them, I called the next day to make sure it had gotten in. I stayed involved with my surgery stuff and active with what was going on.
So the scary part was letting my mom know. I was really nervous, despite that we had had a really nice conversation this last weekend over the phone. But I was letting her know that the surgery was going to be happening kinda really soon.
She was actually very supportive. I know it's not easy for her, but I am VERY appreciative in the support from my family and friends.
NOW, it's just the really fun part of electrolysis in the really sensitive parts . . . that is not turning out to be that much fun. But I have a mouth guard that I am chomping on when it's REALLY not fun! *giggle*

The Waiting is the hardest part. . .

2011-05-18T17:35:00.000-07:00

So, now that things are starting to be finished with the transition, I'm getting ready for the next big adventure. Meanwhile, my incredibly awesome girlfriend has finished her classes for her nursing!!!!! She had a lot of heartache finishing it and it honestly has me a little hesitant towards going back to school. However, she assures me that it is her program and not the entire school.

Anyway, I have been doing my research and I am pretty sure that I am going to be back in the leather community. From what I have been seeing, it looks like it's time. Granted this is AFTER I recover from surgery, so it's probably going to be six months to a year before I am back to active. It'll probably be two years before I compete. But I already have myself together to compete. . .*giggle* THOUGH, I am still going to see if my Beloved is into it as I am. We'll see.

I had a wonderful dinner with Shannon the other day. It was really good to see her and see how incredible she's doing. She looks great and seems sooooooooooooooo much happier than the last time I saw her (course, that's also cause the last time I saw her was at Daddy Sal's prayer service).

My Beloved got me a couple of awesome t-shirts that came in the mail today. They have the leather girl banner on the top and say "happily owned girl" on them. They are PERFECT for wearing to leather events. Now if I can just find my leather girl t-shirt, I can wear that to the non-leather events that I go to that are still charity work.

Course part of the reason that I am getting all into this is because I'm waiting to hear about my surgery date. It officially went into the insurance company a week ago tomorrow. They said I should hear back within 30 days. THEN I get to figure out my actual date. So, I'm hoping that by the beginning of June, I should know. . .I hope.

I think that's about it at the moment. It's just a big waiting game and trying to keep my mind off of it by thinking about the future and finally being free of hiding who I am! That's kind what the surgery is about, about no longer having to hide who I truly am, even though it didn't match what society was seeing, I am going to have that corrected and be able to be true about myself!!

Equality and Justice Day 2011

2011-05-09T13:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it's not really fun being a second class citizen in this country. For a nation build on equal rights for all, the GLBT community kinda doesn't really have that yet. So, the point of today was to talk to the legislature and tell them to get on that. It was hosted by Empire State Pride Agenda and I was one of the NUMEROUS volunteers. I helped greet the buses which, to me, is TONS of fun!!!! I like it cause I helps me to get really cheerful and just exude the cheerfulness to those that are getting to Albany from all across New York State. I really like the bus drivers are pleasantly surprised when I ask them if they know where to go and that I have directions for them!!!!!!

It's a pretty stop and go thing, cause you'll have three buses show up at one and EVERYONE of us will be on a bus, and then we wait for twenty minutes for another bus.
I met a several really cool peeps that I worked with on this. AND the woman in charge of the buses (and a lot of other stuff as well) gave me a really GREAT compliment about how I am always so cheerful and enthusiastic and well together and seem to be having a really good time. Other than being tired as well, it was all true. Honestly, I don't understand why, but it works and I enjoy it and I hope that those who came from all over really do have a great day.
Of course, I was hoping that that would be the big thing of the day and that the rest of it would just be quiet grunt work.

OH NO

During the bus arrivals there were two religious people of the Jewish faith that decided they needed to protest at the event. I actually spoke to one (after we came back from finishing with the buses) and I really don't understand where he's coming from and I really can't understand why their discrimination is okay. BUT he was very civil and polite and he did let me speak and respond to him, so I was okay with him being there. The other older, person, was just crazy and look for publicity or any kind of response he could get. When they moved from the entrance of where our event was in the Empire State Plaza to closer to the meeting rooms, I went to shake his hand. He pulled back and shook his head, and he could see that I was really hurt and offended. I was thinking, "You can talk to us and protest at us but you can't shake my hand??" But he saw the look on my face and quickly explained that it was because I was a different gender than he was and that he was not allowed to shake my hand cause I was a girl, gay or straight, it wouldn't matter. That calmed me down, AND gave me a HUGE VICTORY!!!!!!!!! As someone transitioning, those protesting what we are just VALIDATED who I was!!!!!!!!!! I figured nothing could ruin my day at that point.
(you would think this is where I contradict that statement, but I can't, nothing really could ruin it, HOWEVER, those two guys tried).

SO, after I visited all the tables that were there, ACLU (well NY's chapter), Kirsten Gilibrand's table, and both were very nice and I really liked talking to all of them, we noticed the guys trying to protest were instructed by the police (yes, the actual state troopers), on where they had to be. So I, along with a few other people kinda mosied on over in that direction and just kinda stood in front of the protesters and blocked them.

Course, little tiny me (alright, I'm not as little as I used to be, but I'm still not that big), couldn't block much. So, I went over and asked about whether there was poster board around to make a sign. The woman brought me to an easel with newprint on it. I figured, if the protesters were going to use religion, so was I. So I wrote up my sign and made my way to stand in front of them, so now, the first thing people saw was not the protesters sign, but mine that said "Jesus Had 2 Dads" Those that saw it smiled and ALL of the clergy agreed with me!!! Some people I did have to explain it to (God the Father and Joseph), but that's okay. It was just very nice. And as the large initial meeting was getting out, there were a LOT of people that joined the few of us that were initially blocking them. I actually got my picture taken A LOT with my sign. It was a lot of fun.

The old protester called it a day after that, the younger guy decided to stick around and just kinda stand in the middle. So I may have decided to kinds sorta stay standing in front of him. Sorta no matter where he turned to. He kinda got frustrated with me, but I just kept dancing in front of him and blocking him. When he asked why I did it, I told him, we don't go protesting when he talks to the legislature. He said that we could if we wanted to we chose not to. (the actual truth is, I'm not a douche bag, so I won't protest at his things). I actually kinda got upset enough that we might have argued about discrimination and whether it was okay or not.

Personally, short of someone that has chosen to perform illegal acts, I thought we were all the same in this country. BUT, his religious beliefs are of the sort where men and women are not equal, so OBVIOUSLY, I'm going to have a problem. Well, he really didn't like that I did a pretty decent job of staying in front of him. He then decided to end up in the convention center. He sorta snuck in there after making it seem like he was leaving, so I wasn't right there at the moment. When I realized he was in there, I followed him and let him know that I was right there on top of him. You see the Convention Center is rented space and ESPA PAID FOR IT, so we could dictate who was in there or not. NOW, I am not more than a volunteer, so I just followed him to make sure he wasn't stealing things or planting a bomb or anything like that. The ones in charge of the day, they got the State Trooper and had him booted out. I actually followed him all the way out onto the center strip of the Concourse and then let him go. Evidently, I made a name for myself and got a really cool Marriage Equality hat for it!!!! (it was nice cause it was maybe 10-20 minutes later and I was talking to friends and the woman comes over and offers it to me, I was like "yeah, I would LOVE the hat" I didn't have any money on me and I didn't think that they took credit/debit cards, but she looked at me and said "honey you earned it from dealing with those guys earlier")

Okay, days done, right?? NOPE!!

I met with my friends (Meghan, and Keri) and we checked if they needed anyone or if we should grab lunch now so we were ready for the rally. They sent us to eat and we met up with Amanda (a really great friend from college) and sat and ate. Turns out, I was the only one eating that had never been vegan. *giggle*

They made an announcement that we had 20 minutes until the rally, so we grabbed the rest of our food and went over. When we got there, the rally people sorta needed people to hold banners so I negotiated with my friends and the rally people and got us prime spots in the sun (what? It was cold in the shade). . .holding the banners! *giggle* I was right next to stage and I got to take the microphone from Miss New York when she was done speaking. No, I didn't talk, I just handed it back to the guy cause he was off the stage on the other side.

SOOOOOOOOO, the only other really cool thing I did at the rally was get them to simplify the chant to one phrase. *giggle* (I kept forgetting what we were supposed to say!!)
When we were done with the rally, we went back and found out that it was pretty much all set. The participants were talking to their senators (which I wasn't going to do, cause I don't like what they are doing to the state workforce), so I asked someone if there was anything else to do. The funny thing was, is the person I asked was a girl I knew from the original roller derby league that I was a part of (if you read it in a previous posting, the league I walked out on with friends). We talked really quick and made it so that the derby stuff is behind us. We can talk civilly with each other and I will probably table at a bout or two of theirs once I get the leather girl. . . I MEAN IF I decide to go back to the Leather Girl stuff. It was just nice cause I wasn't always sure about her, but I was PRETTY sure she wasn't someone that was against me in that league.

And it was right then, that one of my other friends from the newer roller derby league met up with us. That was cool as well and I got to hear a few things about what is going on with the league. But it's not really my thing anymore. There's enough other things that I can do with my life that will be so much more meaningful to me.

Speaking of roller derby, when I got home the package of cool mymonsterhat.com stuff that Anne sent me for donating to her bike ride greeted me!! We have two head bands, so, yes, my Beloved gets one!!! AND, I actually have a monster hat for this coming winter!!!!!! I'm really excited about that!!!!!!!!!

In a few more hours, my Beloved will be home and I will go to sleep with my Beautiful.

Reunions

2011-05-04T17:24:00.000-07:00

So, I am about to reconnect with not one, but TWO friends!!!!! One I used to work with at CVS. She was the supervisor and we worked really well together cause we were both two "get sh*t done" kinda girls. When I moved on to not need two jobs, she ended up with her EMT certification and is currently with an ambulance service. She's a pretty cool chick and it'll be nice to do dinner with her.

The other friend is the person that brought me into the leather community. FOr a few years she was my best friend and my significant other. Things didn't work out and we drifted away and haven't really been in contact, mostly cause we both have crazy a$$ schedules. But, I didn't want to hurt her feelings and wanted to make sure that she would be okay with me going back into the leather scene, so I messaged her and made sure. She gave me her blessing and asked to get back in touch. We were really great friends and it would be nice to be back in contact with her.

This also reminded me, however, how lonely I feel at work. It's been rough since my deskmate, Mary, was moved to another office.

I want the world to be more understanding of the trans community and those transitioning, as well as other groups within the alternative lifestyles (aka the leather community, drag community, etc). WHat I am trying to do is live a normal HAPPY life involving the leather community and probably some of the drag community and be able to show "regular" people that we're not really that different. We all want to be loved and cared about and things like that. Being trans, or gay, or submissive, or whatever is no different than anything else when you look at a persons' basic needs.

In other news, I got a really really really really really really awesome confirmation from a friend of mine in California. She promised to visit me in the hospital after my surgery EVEN IF SHE HAS TO MISS THE INTERNATIONAL DEAF LEATHER COMPETITION!!!!!! She is FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! the funny part is that I was threatening her about getting herself too sick or burnt out to come see me compete at ABW. But we sorted it out so that she knew that I didn't doubt her being there after surgery. I think that will be the warmest thing in the world is getting a hug after surgery from my Beloved AND my sister in leather!!!

Back in the Saddle Again

2011-05-03T17:03:00.000-07:00

So, I am now at a completely different point in my life (well, sort of different, but I found a profile of mine where I had posted the link for my blog and realized that I should probably take a look at it and, yeah, it's been a couple of years.
Here's the quick summary. I'm still collared to Daddy and Momma Bear (not sure if I was collared to MommaBear when I last wrote an entry here). I am also dating someone new. My Beloved has also collared me and we do live 24/7. It's very interesting and enjoyed. I am no longer active with Roller Derby. I've just had enough of it because it revolved too much around drinking, and I'm beyond that. There were some other things that were occurring with it and I just really wasn't interested anymore. So I said my good byes to most of those that mattered and just strode off into the moonlight.
I am contemplating a return to The Leather Community. I left it when I started transitioning due, mostly to time, and now that my transition is nearing it's end, I have decided that it MIGHT be time to go back. Daddy and I are planning on taking MommaBear and Beloved to a couple of events so that Beloved knows what it will actually entail AND we can see if the Leather Community is ready for my return. I hope so, but we'll see.
Alright, that's it for the moment. I hope to write a LOT more, but we'll see.

Holy Days at Church

2009-04-18T17:15:00.000-07:00

So, I was moved by The Spirit to dress as Tiff for the Holy Thursday Mass. I had my nice black and white zig-zag print skirt (which is longer than knee length), a white camisole and a black cropped jacket with my black and white oxford heels. I actually met up with a friend of mine that I only usually see at mass around Easter. She’s semi-retired and half deaf (litearlly, knows sign language and everything), but really nice and welcoming. Once she realized that it was me, she was really REALLY cool about me. The priests sermon was about accepting those that are different, which is probably the reason that I was called by The Spirit. I also saw some of my friends from my regular mass and they were able to see me all dressed up and what I am going towards, which I think might help the journey. Plus, I talked to the priest after mass and he told me that I was always welcome at their church, which gives me much more confidence too. Friday, I did the Stations dressed regular because it ended only an hour before I had to be at the part time gig(and I didn’t know when it would end). The part time job was interesting too, cause one of the guys is from Africa, and he and I were talking about the Easter customs over there vs here and it was just really nice. Saturday was a regular day Mass that night was really nice. I dressed up for that as well. I had a nice pair of slacks, my purple satin blouse and a black vest, it was really cute. I sat with friends of mine from the regular school mass, and it was a really really nice service. It was three hours long, but it’s my favorite mass of the year (now if it happened more than once a year, I probably wouldn’t enjoy it as much).

Pink Highlights and Church Education

2009-01-28T13:50:00.000-08:00

So, I COMPLETELY FORGOT about my hair until yesterday morning when I was thinking of church. (for those that don’t know, I help out at church by arranging for those who being up the gifts, collection as well as being a Eucharistic Minister and Lector and I usually always read the Prayers of Petition). Now, the mass that I go to is the college mass . I had graduated from the college in 2000, so I’ve been going there for 10 years now, so when I walk in with the Pink highlights still VERY pink, I realized that I wouldn’t be filling in as a lector or Eucharistic Minister. I told both the priest and the woman who does the organizing for mass, that I realized and had forgotten about the hair until that morning. They both mentioned that they would like to talk to me after mass to talk about how to deal with the transition. So I got nervous, but still arranged for collectors and gift bearers and did all my behind-the-scenes stuff that I usually do and got really nervous about the conversation.

So mass ended and I sat down first with the priest (the woman was still taking stuff down from the choir). It seems that he thought that taking hormones was a short process and that I would be going for the surgery within a few months (like within the next 6 months). Once he learned that it is much longer, the woman had joined us and we discussed how to make this a learning experience for the community. Which really surprised me. I thought I was about to get the “We appreciate the help, but it might be time for you to not do so much anymore” speech. Instead it’s going the other way around. They did mention that with such a change as going to happen would mean that there would be some concessions on my side and there would be some concessions on the congregations side. Which I think, makes sense. But it’s where I am in my life and I did make sure that the priest, as a church authority, would be okay with me still being an active member and he said that he definitely would and he is going to double check Church policy to make sure that we don’t contradict anything.

As part of the education component, we are going to meet after mass in two weeks (I’m not going to be there for Superbowl Sunday), and decide how we actually introduce it to the congregation. I’m a little nervous about it, but that’s cause I get nervous before ANY type of presentation.

I’m just relieved and excited because I was nervous that I would get kicked out of being an active member of the mass that I go to, and instead, it’s getting turned into almost EXACTLY what I would want it to be.

Work mates

2008-11-08T15:31:00.000-08:00

So I have to give a BIT GIGANTIC SHOUT OUT!!!! to my two best friends at work. They are really supportive in all the stuff that has been going on with me. They are also smart enough to tell me when I'm doing something stupid as well. Z and A, you're the BEST!!!!

New Gig

2008-11-06T15:06:00.000-08:00

so, I now have a new part time job. It's just on weekends and end early enough for me to get to most, MOST, derby evening stuff (unfortunately, it means not always getting to help set up). The security that is felt from finally having a definite part time job and knowing that I do not have to continue to look for one is AMAZING. This job should help finish paying off bills and give me a little bit of money to save up for stuff, like new tires for my car and paying off Austin Beauty School (hopefully before classes even start!!!). Plus, I will have time at the part time gig to get other stuff done, like setting up sewing projects and such!!

Halloween

2008-11-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

So, Halloween has past. I had a blast at the Rocky Horror Picture Show and intend on becoming a member of the live cast that they are trying to put together!!!!! The big thing for me, though, was work. I had a vinyl Little Red Riding Hood outfit and the basket and my four inch red stillettos. I did my make-up as best as I could. The girls loved it and complimented/complained about my legs. Once I explained about the 15 years of baseball (with a year or two as catcher), a year and half of pick-up roller hockey as goalie, and roller derby since march, they understood why my legs look the way they do. I made a comment to one of the girls about thinking of being a leg model. She told me to really think about it cause my legs look that good. I really have been serious about it, I'm just waiting until I have finished transitioning. Then it'll be a move that I make (along with other types of modeling).
The biggest compliment was when one of my workmates and I went down for the mail. We passed this one gentleman who looked at me and I smiled back and said hi and kept walking. My buddy kept turning around to talk to me. When we got into the elevator, he mentioned that the guy in the elevator kept checking me out after we had gone passed him. I was so excited because it shows that I do have the ability to pass!!! My buddy realized this and he was happy for me as well.
Of course he mentioned later that he enjoyed me walking into the mail room with the card because it made him feel like Bob Barker and I was one of Barker's Beauties with the next item up for bids. I figured that was another compliment for me, so I was happy.
I like halloween!!!

Austin Spa Technology School

2008-10-29T17:36:00.000-07:00

So, on the 5th of October, I had an appointment to visit Austin School of Spa Technology! I had visited them before at their old location, but didn't have the money at the time to take any classes from them. This time, things would be different. With a partnership between my union and the state, I get some money for college classes and so, in January, I will be in school to become a nail technician!!!! This is something that I have TONS of fun doing and I can earn money doing it. The great part is that they offer job placement afterwards, so I can go from the schooling, right into a job!!! YEAH!!!! THen, with the money that I earn from that job, I will be able to earn money to take the rest of the classes and become a full out beautician!!!! YEAH!!! (not that I'm excited or anything)

Zombie Prom. . .found one of my callings

2008-10-26T19:08:00.000-07:00

So, the Hellions of Troy Roller Derby hosted the Zombie Prom last night at Valentines. It was a LOT of fun. There were a whole lot of Zombies and a band and a DJ and stuff to do. The cool part was that I got to do make-up for a whole bunch of the girls!!! I had a blast doing it. Most of them just had me do a little bit of touch up so that they looked like the undead. One of the girls I was going to do the whole decaying skin look on her and everything. Then we found out she is allergic to latex (I did ask before hand). We got her cleaned up and such. I might have done her with regular make-up. I don't remember because what was three girls ended up being five or six (or more). Anyway, I had a BLAST doing all the make-up stuff and actually being a make-up artist. I was so happy doing it, that I emailed my friend who talked me into signing up for Austin Beauty/Spa School. I think I'm really going to enjoy these classes and the part time job that will come from it. It's so nice to finally enjoy what I will be doing. Even if it's not earning a living, at least I can enjoy both my jobs!!!!

Unexpected Compliments

2008-10-24T14:41:00.000-07:00

So, sometimes at work, we tend to fill out the silly surveys that help us get through the day. We did one today where I got a HUGE compliment. There was one where you just sent it back to the person with a one word description of that person. One of the wonderful people that I work with (we will call her Tulip), sent me the answer as Balanced. Since this is something that I believe in in the world and i end up with in my own life. For each really good day, there's a crappy day and vise versa. Of course, it could be the fact that in the ongoing joke/prank war between her and another co-worker, I'm the one that they can both ask for help from and they know I have no problems attacking either one (or both sometimes).

Ithaca Bout

2008-10-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm a little behind. This happened on the 11th of the month and it was great (at least for me). I was assigned the penalty box (as it's the only thing that I'm comfortable with as an official). EZ LEE BRIBED was a great head ref (as far as I was concerned). I really enjoyed the ride up to Ithaca (and slept most of the way back, so I enjoyed that too). The bout was great. . .well. . .what I saw of it, which wasn't all that much. The other penalty box person was Female Trouble, who was new to doing the box. So I helped her out with it. Which I have NO problem doing. It just means less of watching the bout. Though, even doing one box, you may not watch a lot of the bout. Which is fine, because it keeps me busy and is the reason that I have a decent reputation for doing the penalty box. Hell, the last time I had to turn down PVRD due to a wedding, they almost cancelled the wedding!!! (Course that I might have been because three of their usual refs had weddings to go to).
Anyway, Female Trouble did do an awesome job, but she's an actual "skater" with Ithaca (I only use the quotes because Hellions includes the referees as "skaters," but Female Trouble will actually be playing in bouts eventually. That's when it will be a bad thing if she joins me in the box). Which reminds me, I need to see about ordering the hot pants that have the "get in the box" printed on them. . . now back to our regularly scheduled blog). The Hellions did an awesome job of skating. There were times when I wanted to yell things to them, but I was a good girl/referee and I kept my comments to myself. I definitely had a good time and I think EZ Lee will be having the ref crew as well as probably the team, back again some time.

Roller Derby Membership

2008-10-17T21:25:00.000-07:00

So on October 7th, my worries were relieved. We had a vote for the league on whether non-roster people (ie referees and such) can be actual members. I was very VERY worried because it was one of the things that kept me from being more active with another league that I was a part of. My fears were not fulfilled as it was a unanimous vote that the referees and such could be dues paying members!!!!! YEAH!!!!!! It meant a lot to me because it means that it will be worth the hard work and effort that, as an official, I put into the league and that I have a voice in the league. It was funny, with the old league there was thought to the referees paying dues. I thought back to the slogans of the Revolutionary War and the "No taxation without Representation!!" I have no problems paying my share of dues, but don't think that it means I get no voice with what occurs with my money.
Anyway, it means, too, that I can put the extra work into the league and that I will have a voice with what occurs. I know that the way I vote won't always win, but at least I have that vote. It has let me re-structure my priorities in life and derby has gotten moved up in the pecking order.

Looking at things differently

2008-10-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

The church that I go to is the college mass at St. Vincent dePaul in Albany. I have been there since returning to Albany over five years ago. I also attended that mass when I was in college, so I know the people that run it very well. I actually am one of the people that helps out with the mass. My job is what I call the "Ed Organic position." Ed Organic was a gentleman who was at the church that I grew up at. He was a lector and Eucharistic Minister. He also was the one that did all the odd jobs that didn't happen every mass or took care of any problems that would come up during mass. At St. Vincent's College Mass, that's what I tend to do.
At the end of last semester, because of Roller Derby, I stopped attending. I did let them know that it would happen, so they were prepared for it. Well, this fall, I returned and was surprised to find most of my jobs filled by the students. At first I was really heart broken because I thought that they were trying to replace me because I was transitioning and that I was showing that a little more and it was becoming a problem or something.
Well, on the 5th of October of this year, I came to realize what had actually happened. The people that ran the mass had come to realize all of the work that I actually do. Many of the things are things that just kind of got pushed onto me because I knew what I was doing well enough that it was simple for me to add it on to my duties. But with me not being there for several months, they realized how much I actually do and are greatly appreciative of it. I still do the prayers of petition and I do fill in every once in a while when needed (more at the beginning and end of the semester and less in the middle).
Once I realized what had happened, my heart was much more calm with being there. I still help out as needed, but I am also less worried when I can't make it.

Sewing Machine

2008-10-14T21:05:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note. I am not skilled enough to get my sewing machine to work the vinyl. I even had it all cute and pleated, but it is a no go. I will still have a cute Halloween Costume, but I need to find the replacement parts for some of the higher end sewing machines that I have.

Halloween Costume

2008-10-04T13:40:00.000-07:00

So, I don't know if I have included this story, but you need to know it in order to understand my Halloween costume. When I was in kindergarten, two of the parents came in dressed as Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy. They did some type of presentation and then left. The teacher got the costumes and told us that we could put them on and play in them and that they would be over in the house area. I ALWAYS wanted to put on the Raggedy Anne costume. I never had the courage to do it. It was 1985 and I was five years old, so I didn't understand cross-dressing or being gay or anything alternative. I don't regret not having done it, because I did what I had to do to be okay with stuff, but I have this thing for Raggedy Anne stuff (and someday I'll have a Raggedy Anne doll, damn it). When I saw a vinyl Raggedy Anne outfit on eBay (granted it's a little bit sexier version), I've been dying to get it. I realized that since I finally know how to use my sewing machine, I am going to make it. I will actually finally be making my own Halloween costume. I've done it before by throwing things together, but this is the first time I'm actually sewing a Halloween costume. YEAH!!!!!!

The New Doctor

2008-10-03T19:46:00.000-07:00

So, I had my first appointment with the doctor that will be taking me on the journey through this whole transition. He is REALLY FRICKING AWESOME!!!!!! We talked for about twenty minutes (about everything, including other non-transition related health stuff) and I found out that I am not his first transitioning patient, by a long shot. I knew I wouldn't be the first because another t-girl is the one that told me about him in the first place. I figured I'd be the second t-patient. Boy was I wrong. It was really nice because we actually talked and I really REALLY got the feeling that he really does care about his patients. He warned me too, that it would be a long fight and that it wouldn't be easy. But I have yet to do stuff the easy way. It was good too because he told me the stuff that I need to start looking into right away and such. So the next step is talking to an endocrinologist (aka the only endo in the area for this stuff), as well as getting rid of the facial hair.
It was nice because after the doctor, I went with one of my derby friends and did some shopping for stuff and we talked. She's a big gigantic sweetheart. She's been really supportive and it is greatly appreciated. It was really nice to talk to someone that's supportive and not be at home or work when doing it. My work friends and my roommates are GREAT!! I appreciate all that they have done for me. It's just really nice getting support from other people that I know in other communities.

1st Dr. Visit

2008-10-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

So, if I have the date correctly, I have my first doctor's visit with a General Practice doctor this week. It's kind of cool getting excited about a doctor's visit. This doctor has one patient that is transitioning (cause I got his name from one of the girls), and I am hoping that he knows how to help with getting the laser hair removal and hormones and all the other fun stuff through the insurance. We'll see what happens. I just hope that it is on friday and not tomorrow (but I'll be prepared either way.)

New Roller Derby League

2008-09-26T19:46:00.000-07:00

So, there is a new derby league. Many of you might be wondering the story behind it. I will be honest, and polite (I know this sounds like new thing for me, but I'm going to give it a try). There were many mis-communications on the Albany All Stars league and there were thoughts and talks about splitting the league. One of the girls wanted to hear what some of the skaters thought and started a group to get their input. Word got back to particular members and an unplanned discussion began which led to several people (four, if my memory serves me correctly) being thrown out of the Albany League. Everyone was forced to make a decision which of the two leagues to join, because it was stated by the Albany League that you could not be member of two leagues. Several of the people who were thrown out were the ones that had kept me in derby at that point. It was their kind words and encouragements that made me want to still do derby. I was actually debating whether to join a different league or leave derby at this point. So, I explained to the head referee of Albany that I was leaving but that I was more than willing to help out at bouts, and I walked out in support of my friends.
We ended up having an informal meeting that night so that we could support each other with what we had just experienced and it was a nice time spent with my friends. The good part with this group is that I feel a much stronger tie to the group. I am much more involved with the group and have shifted my priorities in life in order to help get the new league off the ground.
In truth, I was looking for a new league to join. I had heard of Pittsfield starting up, and had thought about driving all the way to CT once a week to join Pioneer Valley. However, the Hellions of Troy have welcomed me and I am officially (I think) a Hellion and am willing to help them out as best as I can.

Derby Fun at Troy Night Out

2008-09-26T19:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I just returned from having a blast with the Hellions of Troy. They are the roller derby league that I am affiliated with. We attended an event called the Troy Night Out which helps with the art community of Troy. We were supposed to skate out at Monument Park, but the rain did not let us. We also "fliered" the area. This is when you hand out fliers to people that are watching what you are doing, or that you think would be interested in derby. We stopped in a couple of the art studios and a few coffee shops. It was nice because I saw one of my friends from college and got to talk to her about transitioning and stuff, as well as trying to get her to start with derby (or at least come to watch it).
The most fun parts of the night were when we came up with a new derby strategy, and when we handed fliers to the cops. We decided the new strategy will be called Shock and Porn. It's named after two of our skaters, but we are hoping that it will help the team. I would reveal more, but I am afraid of giving tactics away. The other exceptionally fun part was when two of the girls (I beleive it was Ida and Chesty, but I could be wrong), fliered the Troy Police. The cops told the girls that they were the Off Brothers, Jerk and Jack. We also mentioned that we were looking for a space to skate and they said they would try to help us. We were really excited with the cops having a whole conversation with us and I already sent in the photos that I have of the girls "soliciting" the cops.

Actions Speak Louder than Words

2008-09-24T19:04:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, I was a very active member of the gay leather community. My best friend (at the time) was a title and former title holder and I went with her to many events. Sometime we just went to support it, sometimes we were going to help out with the actual event. We had a blast (at least I did) at the event as well as traveling there. At the time, I just considered myself a drag queen, but I always did the events as Tiffany Jean (aka the vinyl princess). I received some great support about how the leather community needed, or that it was a great way to open the community up to the rest of the gay community. Some of the best support came from some long time members of the community.
Then came a date that I was scheduled to help at. I was told that I would not be allowed to dress. I understand the reasoning behind it. They had a difficult time getting a leather event to be held in that particular city. In hindsight, I don't blame them for having to tell me not to dress. HOWEVER, it was the same people who were supporting me privately and couldn't publicly. In our present day and time, an honest person is hard to find. I will admit that I am not always honest, but I try my hardest and pick my wording VERY VERY carefully. I also have a good memory for important conversations in my life and that, too, makes me careful with the words that I choose.
I will give the leather people the respect that they have earned. They took me aside afterward and thanked me for not dressing. They understood what I went through and how difficult it was. It was very difficult to understand how someone could be moving towards what I was doing privately and not be able to do it publicly. This makes it difficult for me to trust peoples words. Their actions are what I base my judgements on. However, it makes it much easier for them to gain my trust.
One of my derby friends did a very simple thing and I think she's one of the greatest people in the world!!! She has recently shown that to be even more true (but that has to do with my next post). What she did to gain my trust was very simple. Before a practice, she came over to me and handed me an invite. Her significant other had completed a documentary that was his final project for school. It was a documentary on transitioning, and she knew that it was a topic that was very important to me. She wasn't forceful about it, she just simply explained it and invited me to the opening of it. Just that simple act showed me that she cared and, at least wanted to understand what I was doing (granted, since her significant other had transitioned, she did understand it very VERY well). For me, it's the little things that show me what type of message you actually want to send to me.

Stay tuned for news on the derby front

Marriage Equality March--Albany

2008-09-14T10:02:00.000-07:00

So, I was one of the volunteer co-ordinators for Albany's 1st Marriage Equality March across the pedestrian bridge (over I-787). It was a lot of work, but it was fun and I think we really did a good job of getting the message out. Two politicians showed up, Tracy Brooks and Paul Tonko. I got to see some friends and we ended up with over 200 people at the march. If you came out to the march, or supported it (with donations or volunteering or whatever you could) THANK YOU!!!! It was a tremendous success and I can't wait until next years march!!!!!!

Waiting and hoping and having no clue

2008-09-13T18:46:00.000-07:00

So, I wrote my ex-girlfriend a letter. I have finally gotten to the point where I am comfortable enough to be friends again. Our last fight is what ended our relationship and we just stopped communicating with one another. I have found out that she wants her old boyfriend and I am okay with that (not all that happy, but I am finally okay with it). So, since we haven't been communicating and I had lost a small thing of hers, I replaced it and gave that and the letter to her mom. At the end of the letter (which I photocopied so that I can actually include it in my book), I told her that if she didn't want anything to do with me, I would leave her alone and that she needed to contact me in order for us to have a friendship again. I didn't want her to feel forced to communicate with me, so I wasn't all that comfortable staying around her and stuff. I'm just hoping that we can be some type of friends again. She's the one that I gave my virginity to (yes, I was thirty before I was willing to give it away, that's a story for another day), and I do actually care about her, but I don't know how well she took the letter or if she even read it or gives to shits about me. It's something that I'm going to have to eventually be okay with, cause there is a decent chance that she doesn't care and I'll never hear from her again. So, tonight, I'm accomplishing a few projects and now I intend to watch a movie and probably drink half a bottle of wine.

Background info

2008-09-08T18:31:00.000-07:00

So, I have to let those of you know that I am involved in the BDSM world. It is very different from what we call the "vanilla" world. I will some day explain more, but this is to help you all understand about my "family." In the BDSM world there are many different types and styles of people. I, myself, define myself as a switch. This means that I am able to fill any type of role that is necessary. There are five basic types. Tops, Doms, bottoms, subs and switch. Tops are the ones that are in control at least during "play time." Doms are the ones in control during most of the couples life. Bottoms like to be the one relinquishing control during play. Subs are the one that prefer the other partner is in control and switches are ready for any type of role that they choose. I define myself as a switch only because I am comfortable in either roles. Currently I am looking to become a submissive, but it has been a really long search. When the time is right, and I have found the right partner, then it will occur. Not before. Now, in this world, a collar is a symbol of being the bottom or sub of someone. Others in this world know to not play or do anything harmful to you because you are under someone else.
I am currenlty collared to a wonderful man. He is considered my Daddy. In the BDSM world this is a term that is usually used for the "top" part of a couple that are sexually intimate with one another. This is NOT how this man and I define our relationship. He is a wonderful man who has an equally beautiful and wonderful wife. Daddy was actually born female. He transitioned a long time a go (in a galaxy that wasn't all that far away). He has collared me so that he can watch out for me in my transitioning. He has helped me in dealing with my parents, work, and MANY MANY other things. He doesn't try to take the place of my dad (aka my biological dad) and he won't. But he is someone that watches over me during this journey and is the person that I am talking about when I say Daddy. If I say Dad, or my father, then I am talking about my biological dad.
Dad is at a different point in all of this and he is trying and will someday get there (I hope soon, but when it needs to happen, it will happen). Anyway, that's enough background for now.

Income

2008-09-07T00:19:00.000-07:00

As most of us have realized, having a second job is necessary at this point in time. With the help of a digital camera, I will eventually be able to photograph some of my craft work and can start putting it up for sale on eBay. I think it will be a cool concept that I will be making toys and clothes and stuff and able to sell them. Now, if the bank actually approves my loan (which could happen, but I won't hold my breath), I can start doing that within a week or so. If they don't approve the loan, it may take a little longer. But it will be fun either way and it will be cool that I will kinda have my own business. YEAH!!!!

Trouble in the Road

2008-09-05T21:42:00.000-07:00

So, I learned about sexual harrassment today. It was pretty interesting, because, evidently, someone was uncomfortable with me talking about surgery that I would eventually have. Now, I understand that it might make someone uncomfortable. But I was shocked to think of it in terms of sexual harrasment. First off, I was answering someone's question. I didn't bring up the topic on my own. The second thing is that it has NOTHING to do with sex. It's not about sex at all.
I do have to give TONS of credit to my bosses. They handled the situation VERY professionally and told me that I have just as much right to be comfortable at my job as the person who made the complaint and that if I needed to talk to them about it, they would be more than welcome to hear me out. They said that my work is going VERY well and that they have no problems with my work abilities, but that it might be a good idea to answer questions about surgery and stuff, during breaks and times like that. They also said that they have no problems with my transitioning either (which works well since I've been wearing nail polish and such since working here). It does mean going slightly towards the closet again, but, if that's what I need to do to get where I need to go, then so be it.
The next goal is to start taking promo tests. A large part of the office is doing so this weekend, but I'm not eligble for another two months. So I'm just waiting for Novemeber 7th (course, I have to hope that there are still tests at that point).

The start (of the blog)

2008-08-28T16:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, so not being all that big on blogging, I am interested in someday writing my biography. I'm currently in the process of transitioning from male to female and I figure this is a good way to stay on top of it as well as giving tips/insights/whatever to others who are going down this similar road.
So, currently, I am NOT living 24/7, but I am female dressed most of the time, I like to look pretty and I FINALLY have a job where people don't care that I dress girlie-ish and I am accepted for who I am. I have work friends that I can actually talk to about girlie stuff (as well as regular stuff that we all go through. My counselor is REALLY GREAT about stuff. She's helped me with everything, whether I was right or not, and she's very open and proactive in the counseling aspect as well as the t-girl community. I'm also active in the leather community (which makes for interesting stories) and in Roller Derby in the area. That's about it for generalities. I'll update more as I travel down the road